Name Awards Professional Commentary on Company Names, Product Brands and Business Names

Congratulations, Kraft, You’re Off the Schneid!

Didn’t think we’d live to see it, but we’ve just encountered a worse naming/branding idea than Mondelez:

Quick: if you suddenly encounter the term “Fekkai”, you immediately think of:

A. An example of Hungarian cuisine which, according to European Union regulations, cannot be exported.

B. The hamlet voted “Most Polluted Village in China” for the third straight year.

C. The Finnish word for “smoker’s cough”.

D. An especially disgusting sub-genre of Japanese cartoon porn.

E. Women’s hair care products.

For those of you who think Fekkai is a great brand for women’s hair care, and immediately chose, “E”, please quietly turn yourselves into the authorities, and/or contact Brighter Naming for further advice.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

My mother (and yours, no doubt) advised “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Frankly, I prefer Alice Roosevelt Longworth’s take (“If you haven’t got anything good to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”) However, out of deference to mothers everywhere, here goes:

Two Nice Things About the New Brand Name Fekkai

1. At least they had the sense to make this a woman’s product, minimizing the chance of fisticuffs during the inevitable misunderstandings. Had this been a men’s hair care product…

Would-Be Hipster: “I’m looking for some Fekkai.”

Floyd the Barber:  “This is a family establishment, buster!” POW!

Amazingly, people associated with Secret Ceremony still had subsequent careers in Hollywood.



2. Fekkai can serve as a beacon of hope to struggling naming consultancies in the same way that Secret Ceremony serves as an inspiration to striving screenwriters. I.e.: “If this can get green-lit all the way to production and release, then there’s hope for any and all of us!”

-Greg Marus

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